Thursday, September 4, 2014

Marking Time

How is it that a year can pass with little or no thought? My busy, busy job makes my mind swim at times. So when I'm not at work, I feel the need for blankness. Absence of thought or purpose. Time passing without fanfare.

When I look at my blog, I feel a great loss. The year that's passed has been an amazing one, and yet my absence of thought is greatly apparent on my blog. Some might think my blank blog is evidence that I don't have thoughts or experiences to share. Nothing could be further from the truth. In reality, I've had a great number of experience in the past year. And I've had some time for reflection too.

I spent a good bit of time after I returned from Latvia getting involved in our ministries there. Planning, communicating, meeting and sharing. I went to Tennessee for the Friends of Latvia meeting, and became the FOL Secretary. I built a website and implemented an electronic news platform.

I had a great struggle in June as I turned 40 and tried to decide how I felt about it. I still haven't articulated a philosophy. Many tell me that I don't need one, but it's something I ruminate about. I need a mindset to keep me centered.

I spent my 40th birthday in the airport, waiting on a flight to Chicago that was delayed, canceled, etc. The next few days, Kef and I did important things. Whether they were big or little, the time was important. It was good to be together. And we didn't argue once (that I can recall).

I spent time researching the Crater and Rae and Caldwell families, and still have more to learn.

Work has been hectic and difficult. We've had a lot of change, which makes for many challenges. Our staff is in flux, and our ministries seem to be marking time until the "what's next" begins. Our attendance has been down as people try to decide where and whether they fit. We're at a crossroads with growth, and our only option is moving forward in faith. It all makes me weary, but I persevere... as we all do.

Interestingly, today I feel almost verbatim like I felt a year ago... on August 27, 2013. My dogs are my joy. My home is my refuge. Every day, I'm ready to be there and stay there. And when I get there, I'll likely ignore my blog as I've done for the past year. I'll likely sit on the patio and watch the dogs chase butterflies and squirrels. I'll probably snack and watch tv and put a puzzle together and read a book and play a game and draw a tangle.

But I probably won't take time to write. As much as I love to do it, I'll probably wait another year and wonder where all my lofty thoughts went and why I didn't record them while they were fresh.