Legacy

Every time I sit through a funeral I find myself wondering what my own will be like. (Yes, I know, that's incredibly selfish... selfishness is the cross I bear.) I sometimes think about what it would be like for me to live to an old age and die. I'll be alone. There will be no family to come to my funeral - no children or grandchildren, no nieces or nephews. My friends will be old too - if they're even around anymore. And so I have to wonder... how sad would that be? To live your whole life and have nothing to show for it?

I guess the thing we consider to be a person's legacy most often is their family. What's my legacy? You could say it's your work, but that is an awfully dull thing to be known for. It could be how you treated people, but what if you outlive everyone who knows and loves you?

And on the practical side of things... if you die alone - with no family - then who buries you or cremates you? Who buys your gravestone? Who scatters your ashes? Do you just go away? Fade away from earth without a trace?

And if you don't have a family, then who keeps your genealogy? Who do you pass your prized possessions to? Who takes home my great-great-grandfather's travel trunk and my mother's bedroom suit and my grandmothers quilts?

I guess the answer is no one. I've never felt more depressed about not having a family of my own... and yet, I never really wanted kids! Is it odd that I don't have the "biological" need to procreate, but rather the genealogical compulsion to?

All in all, I think it would be far better for me to die young. That way someone will still know me. There will be butts in the pews at my funeral. Someone will be sad. There will be a sense of lost potential... but at least the loss of potential won't be realized in the way of unfulfilled potential at the end of a long life.

Comments

Anonymous said…
I think about this kind of stuff all the time, being the planner monkey and all. You can no longer call me morbid