The Quest

Shannon and I used to write notes to each other during class. (Yes, we were in college. What's your point? Note-writing didn't die in Junior High.) We had a lot of little sayings that we'd use in regular conversation, and many of them required a certain tone of voice in order for you to get their true intent. When writing rather than talking, we'd put "tov" in parenthesis when using one of these words or phrases. That was my signal to him that I wasn't actually asking "Really?" but being sarcastic... Really? (tov) In other words, read those words with the tone of voice you know I'd be using if we were talking. There are so many uses for tov. "I'm winning (tov)" is different than "I'm winning." I can't remember now all the phrases we added tov to (Shannon probably can... I wish I had those notes handy so I could look back). But there are many times when I'm writing that I feel the compulsion to add tov. ...

I've often wondered if I could manage to write a blog post every day. There are a lot of people these days who monetize their blogs and make good money becoming influencers. I don't know about the influencing, or the monetizing actually... but I do think it would be a good habit to write every day. This is not a new concept and has been taught by many, including our favorite Dr. Cindy Ryan , who has given us all the tools we need to be an every-day journaler. I have failed miserably. I see the value, and I have the desire... but I have not been faithful with daily writing. If I can't be faithful in personal journaling, how in the world would I be successful writing a daily blog? I suppose, like anything, you have to make it a habit. I've often heard that it takes a month to build a habit. Google now tells me it's more like 66 days, on average. Either way, I have been an every-day writer for at least that long at times in my life. And yet, I still fell out of the...

Late last year, I mentioned to a friend that she should consider blogging. She always posts hilarious stories to Facebook, and often provides her writings to the church for the Spiritual Formation Blog ( www.fumcg.org/quiet ). A week or so ago, she took me up on my offer to help her get started. We met for lunch, set up her new blog, and off she went (at mvmesses.blogspot.com ). In the process, though, I realized that I hadn't written in my own blog in a year! I started a new blog this year... a travel blog because I've been doing so much running around. But even that didn't keep me faithful. I blogged through England, then Latvia... but failed to blog a spectacular long weekend to the northeast, and a few other here-and-there trips. Each time I let months or years pass without blogging, I feel the loss of it. I'm disappointed that I haven't shared all the things I learned and have now forgotten. If I'd written about them, I would now have them permanently....

It's been over a year since I've blogged. It's been years since I've been faithful at blogging or journaling either one. I do, however, still have a desire. It just gets lost in the nothingness sometimes. I very often have a thought or an opinion I want to share, yet I very often decide to let it pass without sharing it. This week, though, a little interaction on social media has crept back into my mind a few times. So I want to address it. It concerns "how I really feel." I wrote a post on Facebook the other day that said: How do you set your tv to automatically mute every time someone starts to quote a certain type of tweet? Or even better switch to your favorite Pandora station when the political talk starts and then go back to regular programming when the coast is clear? One of my friends, God bless him, replied: Sweetie, I think you'll be listening predominantly to Pandora for the next few years if this is how you really feel. P.S. You're n...

I was just catching up on some of the blogs I've missed... perusing AliseWrite's weekly "Stuff I've Been Reading" and lo and behold I found myself. The first one listed this week was a post called "The Body I Have" by a blogger I've never read before, Dani Kelley . As I read her post, her "About Me" and some of her other blog entries... I was amazed at how much of myself I saw in her! She's ten years younger than me. I found myself wishing I'd practiced a little introspection way back then. I might be a different person today. Who knows. But I'm glad I've stumbled upon this young lady. And I'm glad I have finally learned some of the lessons she's blogging about. Better late than never. By the way, I share her desire to write more. I've said this every year: I'm going to write more this year. I am. I really am. Seriously. Quit laughing.

This is how my morning started... I posted the following as my status update on Facebook: I tried really hard to sleep in late this morning... but my thoughts kept drifting back to that man who's living in his truck while waiting for his first paycheck from a new job (that probably pays minimum wage). My privileged mind just couldn't keep laying in my queen-sized bed, in my air-conditioned house, with my better-off-than-most-people dogs. Issues are weighing heavily on me after the the past week of blog-reading, listening/reading about political platforms, and sitting in my office trying to imagine how that homeless man is living with such a positive attitude. I feel some blogs coming on. Not that writing will change anything, but it will help me get my thoughts out of my head. Time to get started. A few things happened this week that have me pensive. Here's the list: In staff meeting we heard about a book called One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. We also heard abo...

I am not a debater. I don't like conflict. It makes me uncomfortable, and I'm a lover of comfort. The last couple of days have turned in to debate, where I feared the consternation of others in response to my opinions. I realized that I really didn't want people to read my blog. I was afraid to post links to it. Scared of being judged. So today I'm retreating. I'm coming back to myself and the purpose of my blog. I'm finding comfort in genealogy and reading and music. I'm researching dead people who can't judge me. I'm reading humor that also enlightens. And I'm ignoring everything else. Just for a little while.

I follow several blogs. It took me a while to get into the world of reading others' instead of just writing my own and leaving them out there with no audience. I still have no audience, but I'm doing better at becoming a part of someone else's. I've just come across a new blogger to follow... Stacy Bias. One of her recent posts relates indirectly to my last post on Keeping Quiet . It's entitled "Insecurity: Imperfect & Unforgiven." Well-written and oh-so-how-I-feel sometimes. Insecurity: Imperfect & Unforgiven I want to talk about insecurity. Actually, I want to openly claim insecurity. I want to wear it like a badge instead of an anchor. I want to acknowledge that it has made me paranoid at times. At others, self-absorbed. I want to erase the shame in it. keep reading...

I used to be so good at having thoughts. What happened to that? Seems like I just work, work, work... then veg when I get home and don't ever think critically enough to write a blog with substance. I have a sore throat. Squirrel! Starting a new e-zine at work... and I'm not even going to have time to write content! Farming it out to other people. What happened to the writer within? I think someone's holding her hostage.