The Quest

is recovering from the Big D NYE is back at work. has been playing games all night is wasting away a Saturday is recovering is eating lunch is going back to work is dreading going out in the cold is working on the Rotary bulletin is back at work... again. is soooo sleeeepy is watching Law & Order is reading about reverse sneezing as Meg has been doing it often the last couple of days is just workin' is hoping I don't have food poisoning is NOT hurling is content is glad it's the weekend!! is getting rid of all signs of Christmas is working on genealogy ... another day another dollar just heard that Lockney High School burned down... how sad! is doing stuff has already seen this episode of House is wondering how I can get less frustrated.... and fast! is leaving the frustration behind for a 3-day weekend is still in her pajamas is existing is watching Meg stalk Mikey is woooorkkkking... ho hum wanted to spend this day in bed is planning vacation is watching the ice melt ...

So thanks to Lorie for this idea... she and her family share roses and thorns at dinner each evening. Well, those "children" with whom I eat dinner (i.e. dogs) can't share roses and thorns, so I'll just do it by myself on here! So for today... rose - new computer game (Age of Empires III). Thorn - got absolutely nothing done this evening! :)

Click here for untitled First test worked... status updates updated. Except it doesn't include blogger on status updates. So trying this... I think it should post everywhere (Blog, MySpace, Facebook, Twitter).

I need to find something new to do. I just realized it's been two months since I blogged... and that's not indicative of laziness. It's because I have nothing to say. And that's sad. Just sad. I've been watching the blogs and FB posts of my friends lately and notice this: everyone is doing something except me. Shannon moved to Massachusetts. Jim's a NASA Fellow. Jeff's moving to Dubai. Kef got a promotion. Donald and his wife had a baby. Mike's the new head coach at Frisco Centennial. Leesa's starting her own business. Kristen's going to the Ukraine. I could go on, but I won't. It's depressing. It's not that I'm not happy for them all... but it just magnifies the fact that my life is not significantly different now than it was 10 or 15 years ago. I need a new thing. Suggestions?

Every time I sit through a funeral I find myself wondering what my own will be like. (Yes, I know, that's incredibly selfish... selfishness is the cross I bear.) I sometimes think about what it would be like for me to live to an old age and die. I'll be alone. There will be no family to come to my funeral - no children or grandchildren, no nieces or nephews. My friends will be old too - if they're even around anymore. And so I have to wonder... how sad would that be? To live your whole life and have nothing to show for it? I guess the thing we consider to be a person's legacy most often is their family. What's my legacy? You could say it's your work, but that is an awfully dull thing to be known for. It could be how you treated people, but what if you outlive everyone who knows and loves you? And on the practical side of things... if you die alone - with no family - then who buries you or cremates you? Who buys your gravestone? Who scatters your ashes...

My boss's father passed away on Sunday. For most people, that would just be an event of note because it's your boss and you should care. In this case, however, we all knew him. Floyd followed Ken in his ministry. Literally. He moved here when Ken did, following his son from church to church since Floyd himself was retired. The first time I met Floyd, he told me how wonderful his son was. He said Ken was a great preacher - perhaps the best he'd ever heard. Floyd told me, though, that I'd need to work on Ken to get him to come up with sermon titles. Little did I know at that point that Floyd would become my biggest fan. Until he fell ill, Floyd came into my office at least once a week and heaped enough praise on me to make up for any frustration a job might entail. He complimented me incessantly. I could do the most simple of things, and he would rave. To be quite honest, I'm having a very hard time not being selfish about Floyd's passing. I know that he m...

I have a friend who always criticizes me. Over the time that we've known each other she's labeled me in three ways in particular that bug me: 1) I'm a negative person; 2) I'm impatient; and 3) I'm intolerant. The first time this happened it was the negative thing. That was in NO WAY how I saw myself. I have some negative friends and I never would have put myself in that category. But I decided to take that into consideration and try to be more aware of the times when I might be negative. But more recently - the impatient and intolerant thing - totally shocked me. On both counts, I'm just not seeing it. I'm hardly ever in a hurry. I always hear people out. I don't see things as black and white - but shades of gray. I'm just not coming up with proof that these characteristics describe me. So I asked someone who knows me REALLY well, and she agreed that I was not the most patient person. Ummm... oookay. I asked for examples. She couldn't c...

Someone made a comment the other day that gave me pause: "People rarely 'hear' God. So if they want to know what He has to say they should go to scripture." That's a rough translation, but you get the basic idea. It was stated as fact, but I'm not so sure I agree. Or maybe I agree with a few extra words thrown in there. Like I might agree with this statement: "People rarely try to hear God. So if they want to hear from Him, they usually go to scripture." I don't know about anyone else... but I hear God every time I try to. With very few exceptions. I can think of only a couple of times in my life when God was completely silent when I tried to hear from Him. So I asked God this morning if I'm just an exceptionally rare bird, or what. He can sometimes be really circuitous and vague, but his response was, "Everyone is different." Gee thanks. Not to be rude, but that's really not a helpful answer. Well not helpful for...

For the second weekend in a row, I've intended to do dishes, laundry and paint the bedrooms. And for the second weekend in a row, I find myself on Sunday afternoon with a sink full of dirty dishes, baskets full of dirty laundry, and no paint purchased. However, I have gotten some stuff done today. I trimmed some branches off of trees and shrubs that were growing in the wrong place last season. I transplanted the black beans and broccoli seedlings into a trough for them to keep growing. I watered all the shrubs and trees. I murdered some fire ants. I started gathering stuff for a compost pile. I watered the foundation of the house. I loved on Mable and Meg. All that before 2:00 PM. Wonder what more I could have accomplished if I hadn't stayed in bed till 11:00 AM? In all fairness, I wasn't just sleeping... I was finishing up a book. I'll have to comment on that later. By day's end, I'm afraid we'll be having a moment of silence while we flush Mikey...

I just read yet another headline about stocks falling. On CNN: Stocks tumbled Wednesday morning as a weaker-than-expected January housing report and ongoing worries about the recession ate into the previous session's rally. So my question is: What the heck is it going to take to get people to stop selling off stock? You'd think the fact that the more they sell, the more money they lose would be a motivation. Hmm. I just don't get it. But I'm no accountant that's for sure!

I'm listening to Obama's speech and what it boils down to is this: He's asking for a little ingenuity. He's asking Americans to stop being lazy and passive and resting on the accomplishments of our forefathers. He's asking for the engineers and inventors and geniuses among us to step up and give us some new technologies that will propel us into the future. And what he's offering in return is the funding to pursue these innovations. Just listening to this, it becomes clear that part of our problem is our passivity. We let someone else do the hard work. It's a generational issue. And it seems that the newer generations are going to have to become like the older generations: become hard workers who are willing to sacrifice to secure the future. I like this quote: "Dropping out of high school is no longer an option. It's not just quitting on yourself; it's quitting on your country. And this country needs and values the talents of every Amer...

My thoughts are just bouncing from one random thing to another this afternoon. I'm putting a "Thank You" note in E-News from a man whose wife just died. I'm not dealing with anything near that dramatic/traumatic, and yet I complain at any opportunity. Random thought - I cut a guy off in traffic this morning just to teach him a lesson about speeding and "crossing the double white line" when you're not supposed to. I'm sure he noted said lesson and will never do that again. Back to what I was saying... After a conversation with Armando, I find myself playing the cynic. He comes to me about trying to draw out the spiritual aspects of our activities in some way. After some conversation, I realize that this sounds strangely familiar. Like it was the "Communications Goal for 2009" that I submitted to Ken a couple of months ago. How quickly I get lost in the STUFF (nice word) that has to be done and lose all desire to pursue that goal. Arma...

I've been off work for a week... today back in the office. It was nice to be away - wonderful, in fact. I've decided I'd make a really good retired person. Over the last couple of days I've been thinking about why I don't want to be at work anymore. It's not the job. It's not really the people either (although some are more annoying than others). I think the issue is this: I used to think that my job equaled my purpose in life. As much as I enjoy it, though, it's not a reason to live. It's not ENOUGH for me. So, realizing that, I am faced with the daunting task of figuring out what my life IS about. I would say it's about relationships... but I'd venture to say that most people I know would be just fine without me. Which begs the question: Are my relationships what they should be? Probably not. What do I do about that? I have no idea. It could also be about "serving God" - but that's so trite and vague I won't even...

If for no other reason than all those guys are HOT. Amy gave me a Christmas CD (for Christmas, obviously) and opened my eyes to a new old group. Straight No Chaser is a group of 10 guys that sing acapella. Apparently they were a hit at Indiana when they were in college... the group formed about the same time I graduated from McM. Anywhoser... they're hot and they can sing. So check their website! Good times.

I don't think any of my family reads this blog, so I could probably safely discuss details of their Christmas presents on here. But just in case they do, I'll refrain. Suffice it to say that I have SO MUCH to do in the next two weeks! This year at work/church we are focusing on giving more of yourself and spending less at Christmas... meaning trying to give more relational gifts instead of worrying about how much money you spent (or didn't spend). I'm confident that my sister and mom will both like their gifts, but I'm still struggling on what to get for Dad. He tends to like more practical gifts, but those aren't exactly relational. Last year I gave him things like "5 favorite meals" - but he never redeemed them. It's hard to redeem things like that when you don't live close to each other. So the hunt for the perfect idea continues. Meanwhile my neck and shoulders are sore (from activities related to mom's gift) and I'm continuin...

You never know whether you're crying because there's dust in the air, your WI is suffering, you're lonely, your JL is gone or you're just PMSing. I hate it. Something just blew in and my eyes won't quit burning. It doesn't help that they were watering anyway. I'm missing Jenny L. today... wishing my weekly confidante lunch was still a reality. I wrote her a note to get it off my chest... it just made me cry more. Then Whitney came in, walked past my door without saying hi, and closed herself up in her office. I know what this means, unfortunately. I haven't seen her since I left to go home for Thanksgiving... a week today. And the fact that she's not speaking to me can only mean that she's suffering in silence about Steve. So I'm just spending the last few minutes of my day wiping the tears out of my eyes... whether they are there because of girl emotions or whether they are allergies... who knows! But I have a feeling I know why they...

As cited by Brian McLaren in The Secret Message of Jesus, this statement was made by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. in "Where Do We Go from Here?" annual report delivered at the 11th Convention of the Southern Christian Leadership Conference on August 16, 1967 in Atlanta: Through violence you may murder a murderer, but you can't murder murder. Through violence you may murder a liar, but you can't establish truth. Through violence you may murder a hater, but you can't murder hate. Darkness cannot put out darkness. Only light can do that. The chapter I'm reading now addresses war and its place in "Christianity" (or lack of place). It makes me wonder anew about going to war. And the comments about torture and its use make me all the more thankful today for Barack Obama's dedication to closing down the prison at Guantanamo Bay. I'm thinking now about the place that the military has in our country. I do appreciate the sacrifice that the men and wome...

Why am I so annoyed by everything this morning? Maybe it's because I'm surrounded by idiots. Oops did I say that out loud? Okay, maybe I'm not surrounded by idiots, but there are a few. And it seems like a few idiots make everyone else seem equally idiot-prone. Before you know it, you feel claustrophobic... like they're somehow going to suck your brain down the drain with them and you can't get away fast enough!!! I'll stick my earplugs in to stymie their attempts. Okay. Earplugs in. That rant was completely un-Jesus-like and I'm embarrassed by it. But since it's the real me I'm not going to erase it. On to bigger and better things... I'm continuing to read The Secret Message of Jesus and I have to say that I haven't felt so inspired and empowered by a message in quite some time. If ever. Being the type of person who likes answers, I've been painfully devoid of them for a while now. But this book has helped me see things in a ne...

Since I've started blogging here more than myspace, I wanted to requote this... I'm continually trying to remember what it says. As quoted in the book Prayer by Philip Yancy: May God bless you with discomfort At easy answers, half-truths and superficial relationships So that you may live deep within your heart. May God bless you with anger At injustice, oppression and exploitation of people, So that you may work for justice, freedom and peace. May God bless you with tears To shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger and war, So that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and To turn their pain into joy. And may God bless you with enough foolishness To believe that you can make a difference in the world, So that you can do what others claim cannot be done To bring justice and kindness to our children and the poor. Amen.

"Change we can believe in" was one of the campaign mantras from Barack Obama. It was one of the ways in which he successfully instilled hope in a generation of Americans who had largely become apathetic. I include myself in that group. I hadn't become apathetic about the future of our country (or my own future), but rather apathetic about politics... assuming that it was hopeless. That nothing could be done to change the direction of our government. That my beliefs and concerns and hopes were of little import to the people governing my country. Obama changed that... his own "audacity of hope" giving me the audacity to speak out about politics in a way I have never done before. But that hope for change didn't come straight from Barack Obama. That hope came from a newfound hope in who God is... and who he isn't. My faith has been stretched and reshaped in recent years. I've had trouble believing in the God that much of "evangelical, conserva...