Being Single
A friend of mine just posted a blog that has made me pensive. In said blog, he explored a very sensitive part of his life that at one point in time involved me. I can't say I enjoyed the part I played in his "coming of age" - but I do still like him as a person. In fact, on a personal level I still consider him one of the best friends I've ever had because he's pretty much just like me in a lot of ways (and, let's face it, I think everyone should be just like me).
But it got me to thinking about my story. If you had asked me ten years ago... or maybe even a year ago... or a week ago... or a day ago... I might have said that my part in Shannon's story is one of the reasons why I'm still single. It was one of the first relationships I had, and I didn't really want to go through that again. But it's not fair to place blame. My singleness is not Shannon's fault, or anyone else's either. [I think I've posted about this before... or was that just in my journal?] Anyway... I can blame the few failed relationships I had for "making me single." I could even blame myself - but it's really not my fault either because I've never had the chance to do that part of my life differently. I could place blame... or I can be objective about it and just realize that life happens. Sometimes it happens the way you thought it would. Sometimes it doesn't. But either way, you should be thankful for it.
So what if I happened to be the last girl Shannon cheated on. At least no one else had to be the next one. At least I didn't end up married and divorced in a matter of months... or even worse, years later. At least he found who he was supposed to be so he could live his dream. If we went through all that angst for nothing... that would suck. [Note that the angst really didn't last that long in the big scheme of life.] And if I still thought - almost 20 years later - that Shannon being gay ruined my chance at happiness... well, seriously... that would be just plain silly!
If we want to, we can all go back and pick apart the turning points in our lives. We can dwell on them - as Claudia says, "wound our heals" - or we can look up and look around us. See that the sun is still shining and the flowers are blooming and the puppy dogs are happily kissing our faces. There are people that love us and appreciate our work and our insight and our laugh. (And by "us" and "our" - I mean "me" and "my"... lol.)
The middle school me wanted to be single forever. And so now that I got what she - er, I - wanted, I should be happy! I am happy. I have absolutely no complaints about my life (except that if I were married I would have the benefit of two incomes and possibly decent health insurance - but I'm told that's not a good enough reason to get married. hmpf.). Blah, blah, blah... I'm happy enough.
This has been a week of loss in several lives in the general vicinity of mine. And I sometimes feel guilty for being happy. For not having lost people who are precious to me. I have been very blessed to not have to endure such things. Maybe that comes from my hesitation to build relationships with people. But, more likely, it comes from the workings of the cosmos that has taken one life and spared another.
Enough introspection. Thanks alot, Shannon.
There's a song playing lately on a Lowe's commercial that reminds me of our daily choice to make the most of life. I think it's a good one for a day like today.
But it got me to thinking about my story. If you had asked me ten years ago... or maybe even a year ago... or a week ago... or a day ago... I might have said that my part in Shannon's story is one of the reasons why I'm still single. It was one of the first relationships I had, and I didn't really want to go through that again. But it's not fair to place blame. My singleness is not Shannon's fault, or anyone else's either. [I think I've posted about this before... or was that just in my journal?] Anyway... I can blame the few failed relationships I had for "making me single." I could even blame myself - but it's really not my fault either because I've never had the chance to do that part of my life differently. I could place blame... or I can be objective about it and just realize that life happens. Sometimes it happens the way you thought it would. Sometimes it doesn't. But either way, you should be thankful for it.
So what if I happened to be the last girl Shannon cheated on. At least no one else had to be the next one. At least I didn't end up married and divorced in a matter of months... or even worse, years later. At least he found who he was supposed to be so he could live his dream. If we went through all that angst for nothing... that would suck. [Note that the angst really didn't last that long in the big scheme of life.] And if I still thought - almost 20 years later - that Shannon being gay ruined my chance at happiness... well, seriously... that would be just plain silly!
If we want to, we can all go back and pick apart the turning points in our lives. We can dwell on them - as Claudia says, "wound our heals" - or we can look up and look around us. See that the sun is still shining and the flowers are blooming and the puppy dogs are happily kissing our faces. There are people that love us and appreciate our work and our insight and our laugh. (And by "us" and "our" - I mean "me" and "my"... lol.)
The middle school me wanted to be single forever. And so now that I got what she - er, I - wanted, I should be happy! I am happy. I have absolutely no complaints about my life (except that if I were married I would have the benefit of two incomes and possibly decent health insurance - but I'm told that's not a good enough reason to get married. hmpf.). Blah, blah, blah... I'm happy enough.
This has been a week of loss in several lives in the general vicinity of mine. And I sometimes feel guilty for being happy. For not having lost people who are precious to me. I have been very blessed to not have to endure such things. Maybe that comes from my hesitation to build relationships with people. But, more likely, it comes from the workings of the cosmos that has taken one life and spared another.
Enough introspection. Thanks alot, Shannon.
There's a song playing lately on a Lowe's commercial that reminds me of our daily choice to make the most of life. I think it's a good one for a day like today.
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