The Quest

I can't even believe I haven't blogged since last October. I haven't written since I closed on my house on Halloween, dressed like a jester (Emma Willard's mascot). I haven't written since the movers came with all of my stuff just as I was recovering from a stomach bug. We've had friends' Thanksgiving at the Horn-Eldred home in Holland, and Christmas Eve in my new house, and Christmas Day at Kef's house. We've had Revels at work (a crazy, fun holiday tradition), and launched ourselves into 2020. I got into a rhythm of going to work and coming home and settling in.  In January sometime, there were news reports beginning about a new virus that had started to spread in China. This had happened before with bird flu and swine flu, and I really didn't think much of it. As time marched on, the reports became more dire. They were having to build more hospitals. What?! Since we have a large population of Chinese students, it started to become evident that...

I suppose it was inevitable that shortly after I announced my return to full-time work, my career as a daily blogger came to an abrupt halt. I had all good intentions of keeping up with it, but a tiny voice in my head told me I didn't have to because things were going back to normal. At first, my mind was solely focused on preparing to re-enter the work force. I needed to unsubscribe from all of the job-search notifications, de-activate my open resumes, and decide what to wear the first day of work. Then there was the first day. I felt, in a way, that I was narrating my life much like Genesis. In the beginning, the job front was formless and desolate. Then God said, "Let there be light," and there was light. I went to work, picked up paperwork, got an ID, met with my new boss. There was evening, and there was morning. The first day. Then God separated the sky and the waters. I had projects assigned, had more work than I could finish, and went home to a busy weekend. A...

Okay, name that movie quote. (I mean the movie from whence this title came.) I was really just going to call this post "Grab Bag" because it's about a random bunch of things. But since it's about things in nature, Darwin's Grab Bag sounded better. I digress before I even get started. Let me 'splain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up. (Name that movie quote too! I'm on a roll. Spoiler alert: movie answers are at the end of this post.) It all started yesterday when I was eating lunch on the deck, soaking up some sun and making use of Kef's new patio dining set. As I was about to take a bite of my sandwich, something flew past my face and landed on my hand. If it was a bug, I would have flung it off immediately, even if I had to sacrifice my sandwich. But it was just a little piece of white fluff. No big deal. Then, the little piece of white fluff started to walk away. Literally. I thought I was imagining it at first, but I took a closer look and f...

Shannon and I used to write notes to each other during class. (Yes, we were in college. What's your point? Note-writing didn't die in Junior High.) We had a lot of little sayings that we'd use in regular conversation, and many of them required a certain tone of voice in order for you to get their true intent. When writing rather than talking, we'd put "tov" in parenthesis when using one of these words or phrases. That was my signal to him that I wasn't actually asking "Really?" but being sarcastic... Really? (tov) In other words, read those words with the tone of voice you know I'd be using if we were talking. There are so many uses for tov. "I'm winning (tov)" is different than "I'm winning." I can't remember now all the phrases we added tov to (Shannon probably can... I wish I had those notes handy so I could look back). But there are many times when I'm writing that I feel the compulsion to add tov. ...

I completely forgot to write yesterday. When I decided to try daily blogging, I knew it would be a challenge. I feel like I'm doing pretty well, but when evening comes and old routines fall into place... it becomes bedtime before you know it! Yesterday was Sunday, and since I've moved to New York I haven't settled into a church. So Sunday mornings are very relaxing... no angst about whether everything is going well in Grapevine, and no rush to get up and get going. It's interesting that Sunday mornings have historically been a source of stress for me. Although my "ought to" tells me I should be going to church, my "want to" tells me to step outside and breath deeply of the world that God has created. It was a beautiful day for that yesterday. It seems to me that we, as humans, manufacture a good bit of stress for ourselves. The old stress of Sunday morning church has been replaced with a new stress of the "ought to." And then there'...

It's hard to believe that my first winter in New York is about over. I feel sure there will be another cold snap or two, but mostly I think it's over. There is no snow on the ground, today is about 70 degrees, and the trees in the yard are thinking seriously about leafing out. In some ways, I feel that life has been in a bit of a winter hibernation as well. Because I didn't find my fit in a new job before winter set in, it feels like I've been holding out, waiting to bloom too. I'm anxious - not nervous, but anticipating with great excitement - to see what will be next. There have been a few possibilities pop up, and one in particular still simmering. I feel that it's seriously thinking about leafing out too, but it's not ready quite yet. I'm trying not to rush it. You can't force a flower open, or a leaf from a branch. You just have to wait. In some ways, I think I'm very good at waiting. I have a lot of great hobbies and things to keep me b...

This morning I was going through my daily ritual of Facebook scrolling, checking emails, and perusing job opportunities. A few things vied for my attention... The constant drip-drip of snow melting. The soaking-wet dog laying in the rain, then running through the house. A posting for Director of Marketing and Communications at Catholic Charities of the Diocese of Albany. A new blog from Dr. Cindy Ryan - " Peaceful Butterflies ." A reminder to read today's devotional in my current reading plan entitled, "Where You're From, Where You're Going." --- I love butterflies. I have ever since I went on my Chrysalis in 1990. The rainbow-colored butterfly on my De Colores t-shirt represented new life. Each spring and summer in Texas, my Vytex would light up with fragrant blooms, and the butterflies came running (err... flitting). Until reading Cindy's post, however, I had never connected that beautiful image of transformation with the nervous "butt...

As our home begins to fill with Christmas trees and puzzles and Chex Mix, a new season dawns. That means something a little different to me this year. It's not just a holiday season... it's a life season. I had a job interview on Tuesday. When I woke up, it was snowing. If you know me well, you may know that translates to anxiety. I have always been afraid of driving in snow and ice. So, in addition to the nerves an interview evokes, there was additional trepidation over the drive. It all turned out fine, of course. The snow was wet and there was no ice. The roads were clear and I actually arrived in the area of my interview about 15 minutes early. The interview went well as far as I could tell. The whole experience served to remind me how much angst is self-generated. We worry over things that simply aren't as bad as our minds inflate them to be. Later in the week, as I was endlessly shifting Christmas ornaments on the two trees in the front windows, a question forme...

I've found that changing your own mind can be challenging. This morning, I was to take Roxy to day camp and then I planned to go to the DMV to become an official New York resident (i.e. get my plates and license changed). I pondered whether I should take my car or Kef's, because mine is not 4-wheel-drive. I pondered whether there would be a line at the DMV. I figured there wouldn't be because the "weather is bad." As I was driving away from the house, two things struck me: The weather is not bad... to them. If I were still in Texas and had this weather, everyone would be holed up in their houses. Waiting. Here, this is perfectly normal and actually quite pleasant. It's currently not snowing. No precipitation coming down at all, actually. So... it's just another day. Not a bad weather day. Therefore, anyone and everyone could be out and about... just like any other day.  There are thousands of people driving cars around here that are 2-wheel-drive. Plu...

This morning when Kef asked me what I was going to do today, my response surprised me. Well, the response didn't surprise as much as the tone. I said simply, "I don't know!" And the tone was not one of excitement and possibilities, but one of despair. Oh no! Yesterday, I had a great breakfast with the owner of a local design firm, whom I had met at a PRSA event (Public Relations Society of America). I've never really had much time to network, nor have I really relished doing so. But this connection was a great one, and I really enjoyed our conversation. She gave me much food for thought regarding my next steps. One thing I realized in talking to Kelly was that my thoughts and trepidations about freelancing are on point. That is, unless you want to spend as much time doing business development as you spend doing what you love, possibly "on your own" is not the place to be. Also, she described the challenges she faced when going out on your own: would...

With all that is going on in the world that seems unfair to me, it is difficult for me to feel HOPEful when I feel HELPless. I feel very limited in my options to do anything in response to the wrongs I see happening. I talk to the TV, which is pointless. I express my opinions to those who are willing to hear, yet the ones who I wish would hear are not listening. Last night at Bible study, John was explaining to us about struggling with scripture. He said something like, "When we start to struggle with scripture, that's when we begin to grow." Someone said, "Yes, but it seems like there's never resolution... you never find the answers." He replied with, "It's not the answer that grows you; it's the struggle." (conversation paraphrased) Since that conversation, I've been mulling over the "struggle." It's a struggle to understand the perspective of others who don't agree with you. It's a struggle to remain hopeful...

It's been over a year since I've blogged. It's been years since I've been faithful at blogging or journaling either one. I do, however, still have a desire. It just gets lost in the nothingness sometimes. I very often have a thought or an opinion I want to share, yet I very often decide to let it pass without sharing it. This week, though, a little interaction on social media has crept back into my mind a few times. So I want to address it. It concerns "how I really feel." I wrote a post on Facebook the other day that said: How do you set your tv to automatically mute every time someone starts to quote a certain type of tweet? Or even better switch to your favorite Pandora station when the political talk starts and then go back to regular programming when the coast is clear? One of my friends, God bless him, replied: Sweetie, I think you'll be listening predominantly to Pandora for the next few years if this is how you really feel. P.S. You're n...

For the past couple of months, there have been news reports and advertisements about binge eating. It's a diagnosis now... one you can take a pill to help alleviate. If only there were a pill to stop binge watching TV! Ever since I purchased a smart TV for my 40th birthday and canceled my Uverse, I've taken to watching entire seasons of TV shows - without commercials, mind you - on Netflix and Amazon. This means that a great many hours of the past year have been literally wasted. I enjoy the shows, but I'm getting nothing done. There are no commercials for me to just run in the other room and change the laundry or put dishes in the dishwasher or clean the toilet. And so, entire weekends are lost. But it's kind of nice too. Just really not healthy!

How is it that a year can pass with little or no thought? My busy, busy job makes my mind swim at times. So when I'm not at work, I feel the need for blankness. Absence of thought or purpose. Time passing without fanfare. When I look at my blog, I feel a great loss. The year that's passed has been an amazing one, and yet my absence of thought is greatly apparent on my blog. Some might think my blank blog is evidence that I don't have thoughts or experiences to share. Nothing could be further from the truth. In reality, I've had a great number of experience in the past year. And I've had some time for reflection too. I spent a good bit of time after I returned from Latvia getting involved in our ministries there. Planning, communicating, meeting and sharing. I went to Tennessee for the Friends of Latvia meeting, and became the FOL Secretary. I built a website and implemented an electronic news platform. I had a great struggle in June as I turned 40 and tried to...

As I sat in worship at FUMC Colleyville this morning, I reflected on the past seven weeks. I have worshiped more consistently every week over this time that I've been out of town than I have when I've been at home. I just thought I'd put some of my thoughts down on blog... Seven weeks ago, I was being commissioned to go on a mission trip. The next couple of Sundays were spent worshiping with the Czech, expatriates and Latvians. Then I came home and worshiped with FUMC Grapevine's Spanish-speaking congregation. The following week I was in worship at a Cumberland Presbyterian church in rural Tennessee, followed the next week by a vibrant Methodist Church in Maryville, TN. Visiting other churches has really made me think about what we demand in our worship experiences. Are we focused on God, or on the experiences and styles we like or don't like? In the eight congregations I've encountered in the past seven weeks, I've found that they all have one thing in ...

Someone asked me at the airport today whether I'd rather be in Chicago or DFW. Chicago is fine... and DFW is fine... but my answer was, "I'd rather be home." There's something about that word. It doesn't really matter where "home" is... whether on the east coast or west coast or south or midwest... home is wherever you want most to be. One definition... "relating to the place where one lives." It's the place - literally - where I live ... where I'm most alive. As much as I love visiting family and friends... going on vacation... having the opportunity to travel... what I most love in the world is being at home. For the next couple of months I'll be travelling more than usual, so home will be more amazing than usual. I'm excited and ready for my upcoming trips... but I'm already ready to be home. :)

This Sunday we're beginning a series of sermons on "Our Favorite Sins." This is based on research by the Barna Group ... the result of surveys of people about their perceived sins. One of the "sins" people report is overeating. As we were discussing this, the subject of obesity came up... and I cringed. People assume that everyone who is fat is an over-eater, or an emotional eater. People assume that people who are thin don't overeat. I just hope that the sermon doesn't villainize people who look different than our society's ideal, just because of our assumptions and judgments about their spiritual state, their health and their diet. You can't judge a book by its cover. Take me, for example. I am fat, no doubt. I hesitate to use the word "overweight" because that implies that there is a "right weight" - and that is so subjective. I refuse to accept our society's standards for what is the right weight, the right way t...

My favorite thing about Meg and Maya is their ability to immediately make me forget everything except joy. It doesn't really matter what has happened during the day, when I get home my mind is completely reset to "dog mode." Maya greets me at the garage door with her downward dog stretch (which means she's just awakened from a nap). Meg has preceded me out into the backyard, announcing my arrival with bright, happy yips. There's nothing better than feeling welcomed and knowing that there's nothing in the world better than your presence. I know that God is in this. There's something about the pure joy of doghood that whispers of heaven. This joy... this abandon... this unconditional love... THIS is the stuff of God. And how thankful I am to experience this every day. Thank you, sweet ones, for wiping my mind clean with your wet kisses and making home the place I most want to be in this world.

Why is it that a busy day makes us so tired? I really didn't expend that much more energy today (except for walking around more)... and yet I felt like I could go to bed as soon as I got home from work! My life is about as easy peasy as life can get. I have a great job, great family and friends, a comfortable home... and yet sometimes I can get weary. I know everyone does... but it seems so silly to get tired when all I have to do is sit in front of a computer all day. I don't have to walk for miles to get clean water for my family. I don't have to grow my own food. In fact, I even pay someone to mow my lawn. I don't go to extra lengths to clean my house. So... what reason do I have to be tired? None at all... and yet... it's off to bed for me!

I've just finished reading American Gods by Neil Gaiman for the next gathering of the Novel Ideas Meetup. The first meetup and the subsequent reading of this book has made me realize some things about myself. I love to read. I read a lot. But I'm not an avid reader. I'm not a bibliophile. I pay precious little attention to the names of authors, books, genres and such. In short, I'm not a reading fanatic. But I'm a fan of reading. I had no idea who Neil Gaiman was when I started reading this book (or when I finished the book part of it). In the e-edition, the contents of his online journal are included. It shares his perspective on the editing process. It wasn't until I read the journal that I knew he  was somebody  (i.e. not a first-timer). In the journal, he refers to lots of authors who are obviously supposed to be known to the reader. The only name I recognized was Stephen King... and that not because of reading his books, but because of his pop icon status...