The Quest

For the second weekend in a row, I've intended to do dishes, laundry and paint the bedrooms. And for the second weekend in a row, I find myself on Sunday afternoon with a sink full of dirty dishes, baskets full of dirty laundry, and no paint purchased. However, I have gotten some stuff done today. I trimmed some branches off of trees and shrubs that were growing in the wrong place last season. I transplanted the black beans and broccoli seedlings into a trough for them to keep growing. I watered all the shrubs and trees. I murdered some fire ants. I started gathering stuff for a compost pile. I watered the foundation of the house. I loved on Mable and Meg. All that before 2:00 PM. Wonder what more I could have accomplished if I hadn't stayed in bed till 11:00 AM? In all fairness, I wasn't just sleeping... I was finishing up a book. I'll have to comment on that later. By day's end, I'm afraid we'll be having a moment of silence while we flush Mikey...

I just read yet another headline about stocks falling. On CNN: Stocks tumbled Wednesday morning as a weaker-than-expected January housing report and ongoing worries about the recession ate into the previous session's rally. So my question is: What the heck is it going to take to get people to stop selling off stock? You'd think the fact that the more they sell, the more money they lose would be a motivation. Hmm. I just don't get it. But I'm no accountant that's for sure!

I'm listening to Obama's speech and what it boils down to is this: He's asking for a little ingenuity. He's asking Americans to stop being lazy and passive and resting on the accomplishments of our forefathers. He's asking for the engineers and inventors and geniuses among us to step up and give us some new technologies that will propel us into the future. And what he's offering in return is the funding to pursue these innovations. Just listening to this, it becomes clear that part of our problem is our passivity. We let someone else do the hard work. It's a generational issue. And it seems that the newer generations are going to have to become like the older generations: become hard workers who are willing to sacrifice to secure the future. I like this quote: "Dropping out of high school is no longer an option. It's not just quitting on yourself; it's quitting on your country. And this country needs and values the talents of every Amer...

My thoughts are just bouncing from one random thing to another this afternoon. I'm putting a "Thank You" note in E-News from a man whose wife just died. I'm not dealing with anything near that dramatic/traumatic, and yet I complain at any opportunity. Random thought - I cut a guy off in traffic this morning just to teach him a lesson about speeding and "crossing the double white line" when you're not supposed to. I'm sure he noted said lesson and will never do that again. Back to what I was saying... After a conversation with Armando, I find myself playing the cynic. He comes to me about trying to draw out the spiritual aspects of our activities in some way. After some conversation, I realize that this sounds strangely familiar. Like it was the "Communications Goal for 2009" that I submitted to Ken a couple of months ago. How quickly I get lost in the STUFF (nice word) that has to be done and lose all desire to pursue that goal. Arma...

I've been off work for a week... today back in the office. It was nice to be away - wonderful, in fact. I've decided I'd make a really good retired person. Over the last couple of days I've been thinking about why I don't want to be at work anymore. It's not the job. It's not really the people either (although some are more annoying than others). I think the issue is this: I used to think that my job equaled my purpose in life. As much as I enjoy it, though, it's not a reason to live. It's not ENOUGH for me. So, realizing that, I am faced with the daunting task of figuring out what my life IS about. I would say it's about relationships... but I'd venture to say that most people I know would be just fine without me. Which begs the question: Are my relationships what they should be? Probably not. What do I do about that? I have no idea. It could also be about "serving God" - but that's so trite and vague I won't even...

If for no other reason than all those guys are HOT. Amy gave me a Christmas CD (for Christmas, obviously) and opened my eyes to a new old group. Straight No Chaser is a group of 10 guys that sing acapella. Apparently they were a hit at Indiana when they were in college... the group formed about the same time I graduated from McM. Anywhoser... they're hot and they can sing. So check their website! Good times.

I don't think any of my family reads this blog, so I could probably safely discuss details of their Christmas presents on here. But just in case they do, I'll refrain. Suffice it to say that I have SO MUCH to do in the next two weeks! This year at work/church we are focusing on giving more of yourself and spending less at Christmas... meaning trying to give more relational gifts instead of worrying about how much money you spent (or didn't spend). I'm confident that my sister and mom will both like their gifts, but I'm still struggling on what to get for Dad. He tends to like more practical gifts, but those aren't exactly relational. Last year I gave him things like "5 favorite meals" - but he never redeemed them. It's hard to redeem things like that when you don't live close to each other. So the hunt for the perfect idea continues. Meanwhile my neck and shoulders are sore (from activities related to mom's gift) and I'm continuin...

You never know whether you're crying because there's dust in the air, your WI is suffering, you're lonely, your JL is gone or you're just PMSing. I hate it. Something just blew in and my eyes won't quit burning. It doesn't help that they were watering anyway. I'm missing Jenny L. today... wishing my weekly confidante lunch was still a reality. I wrote her a note to get it off my chest... it just made me cry more. Then Whitney came in, walked past my door without saying hi, and closed herself up in her office. I know what this means, unfortunately. I haven't seen her since I left to go home for Thanksgiving... a week today. And the fact that she's not speaking to me can only mean that she's suffering in silence about Steve. So I'm just spending the last few minutes of my day wiping the tears out of my eyes... whether they are there because of girl emotions or whether they are allergies... who knows! But I have a feeling I know why they...

As cited by Brian McLaren in The Secret Message of Jesus, this statement was made by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. in "Where Do We Go from Here?" annual report delivered at the 11th Convention of the Southern Christian Leadership Conference on August 16, 1967 in Atlanta: Through violence you may murder a murderer, but you can't murder murder. Through violence you may murder a liar, but you can't establish truth. Through violence you may murder a hater, but you can't murder hate. Darkness cannot put out darkness. Only light can do that. The chapter I'm reading now addresses war and its place in "Christianity" (or lack of place). It makes me wonder anew about going to war. And the comments about torture and its use make me all the more thankful today for Barack Obama's dedication to closing down the prison at Guantanamo Bay. I'm thinking now about the place that the military has in our country. I do appreciate the sacrifice that the men and wome...

Why am I so annoyed by everything this morning? Maybe it's because I'm surrounded by idiots. Oops did I say that out loud? Okay, maybe I'm not surrounded by idiots, but there are a few. And it seems like a few idiots make everyone else seem equally idiot-prone. Before you know it, you feel claustrophobic... like they're somehow going to suck your brain down the drain with them and you can't get away fast enough!!! I'll stick my earplugs in to stymie their attempts. Okay. Earplugs in. That rant was completely un-Jesus-like and I'm embarrassed by it. But since it's the real me I'm not going to erase it. On to bigger and better things... I'm continuing to read The Secret Message of Jesus and I have to say that I haven't felt so inspired and empowered by a message in quite some time. If ever. Being the type of person who likes answers, I've been painfully devoid of them for a while now. But this book has helped me see things in a ne...

Since I've started blogging here more than myspace, I wanted to requote this... I'm continually trying to remember what it says. As quoted in the book Prayer by Philip Yancy: May God bless you with discomfort At easy answers, half-truths and superficial relationships So that you may live deep within your heart. May God bless you with anger At injustice, oppression and exploitation of people, So that you may work for justice, freedom and peace. May God bless you with tears To shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger and war, So that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and To turn their pain into joy. And may God bless you with enough foolishness To believe that you can make a difference in the world, So that you can do what others claim cannot be done To bring justice and kindness to our children and the poor. Amen.

"Change we can believe in" was one of the campaign mantras from Barack Obama. It was one of the ways in which he successfully instilled hope in a generation of Americans who had largely become apathetic. I include myself in that group. I hadn't become apathetic about the future of our country (or my own future), but rather apathetic about politics... assuming that it was hopeless. That nothing could be done to change the direction of our government. That my beliefs and concerns and hopes were of little import to the people governing my country. Obama changed that... his own "audacity of hope" giving me the audacity to speak out about politics in a way I have never done before. But that hope for change didn't come straight from Barack Obama. That hope came from a newfound hope in who God is... and who he isn't. My faith has been stretched and reshaped in recent years. I've had trouble believing in the God that much of "evangelical, conserva...

I'm almost speechless... almost. Last night was one of the most amazing moments of my lifetime. There are three times in my lifetime that are noted as "remember where you were" moments: when the Challenger blew up (I was in band), 9-11 (a Tuesday morning - work and staff meeting), and when Barack Obama became President (I was sitting on the edge of my cushy chair). Of those three moments, last night is the only one that isn't noted because of its unbelievable death and destruction, but rather because of its hope and promise for the future. I grew up in a house where dating outside your race was prohibited. You wonder why I'm single today? It's because there were no white boys in my town. I never got to learn how to date... to be in a normal relationship. The only relationship I was in during high school had to be kept a secret from my parents. What I learned about relationships at that pivotal time in my life was how to make sure no one ever knew abou...

Yeah for productive meetings! I feel like I've finally been able to share my feeling that the church has become less and less about a relationship with Jesus and more and more about things to do. Not only have I been heard, but I've also found that others are thinking the same thing. And that a survey of our congregation shows that they are not growing in their relationship with Christ. So... I feel a renewed sense of vigor about tackling this issue and hopefully arriving at a place that makes me more content with working in the church. Whew! I'm sure glad because I was dreading having to look for another job.

After having the most promising staff meeting in recent history... and after spending a great weekend laughing with my old college friends... I'm feeling pretty good about things! Work is looking up in that we are talking more about helping people connect with God and less about unimportant stuff. And I can't tell you how great it felt to laugh late into the night on Saturday. I really need to keep connected with my old friends because they are the ones who can put life into perspective for me and give me a more positive outlook. Not that my other friends can't do that... but right now some of my newer friends are in places of extreme emotion and depression. Life has not been good this year in many ways. I'm trying to find a way to hold onto that happy carefree attitude, while still respecting the grief and turmoil that others are enduring. Not exactly sure how I'm going to do that. I'm looking forward to what will hopefully be a light, fun evening tonight ...

"The Economic Crisis" still isn't effecting me in terms of the stock market, but I'll tell you what... I'm having a mini economic crisis of my own! God, time for a little mystery money to fall from the sky. Can you arrange that?!

It's not that what I do is bad. Maybe it's just not as necessary as I always thought it was. My perspective on it has changed. There's nothing inherently wrong about committing to prayers, presence, gifts and service. It's prioritizing that over your relationship with God that would be wrong. But the two things can coexist and probably do for some people. Maybe just not for me. I always thought that my job in the church was working for God . That's where I was wrong. But most jobs don't really work for God... and lots of people are happy doing them. So maybe if I just accept that I'm working for men then the things we do around here will not seem to be a reflection on God. Does that make any sense whatsoever? Maybe this will clarify: Colossians 3:23 says "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men." That verse says to do things as if you work for God... in other words pretend. Let's try...

I've come to realize that I just hate October in this church. We spend so much time, energy, focus and money on getting people to commit to the organization... why?? What difference does it make if you check the little boxes and set up your auto-draft if you don't have a relationship with God? Oh, you could say that we're assuming that everyone who does make a commitment does have a relationship with God. But maybe that's not really the case. Since nothing about "stewardship month" actually has anything to do with a relationship with God, maybe the whole of our membership is duped into thinking that by filling out that form they are securing their salvation for another year! Maybe they fill out that form out of a sense of obligation to "the machine" (as I've come to call it) instead of out of any compelling move of the Spirit. I know that guilt made me fill that form out last year. But I'm not doing it again. The man-made machine ma...

It only took one staff meeting... and now I've already forgotten what any of this has to do with God. It's a good thing no one reads my blog or I could get myself into trouble!

After some thought over the weekend, I think I've come to a decision about what my goal (at work) for 2009 will be: to answer the question, "What does this have to do with God?" My reasoning is this: there is not one thing we do in the church that is required in order to have a relationship with God. I've never thought about this before, but that's my take-away from the book So You Don't Want to Go to Church Anymore . So what I would like to do in the coming year - if not for others, then simply to give myself a reason to show up here - is to make a "God Note" for everything we do that explains what this activity has to do with God. None of the things I promote and advertise to our congregation are requirements. They are all optional, and for the past three years we have rarely (if ever) explicitly connected them to anything spiritual. Maybe people do that in their own minds. But I would like to endeavor to make our communications more God-c...