Butterflies in Winter
This morning I was going through my daily ritual of Facebook scrolling, checking emails, and perusing job opportunities. A few things vied for my attention...
The constant drip-drip of snow melting. The soaking-wet dog laying in the rain, then running through the house. A posting for Director of Marketing and Communications at Catholic Charities of the Diocese of Albany. A new blog from Dr. Cindy Ryan - "Peaceful Butterflies." A reminder to read today's devotional in my current reading plan entitled, "Where You're From, Where You're Going."
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I love butterflies. I have ever since I went on my Chrysalis in 1990. The rainbow-colored butterfly on my De Colores t-shirt represented new life. Each spring and summer in Texas, my Vytex would light up with fragrant blooms, and the butterflies came running (err... flitting). Until reading Cindy's post, however, I had never connected that beautiful image of transformation with the nervous "butterflies in my stomach" that I've had at so many times in my life.
The first time I remember really having butterflies in my stomach was during One Act Play season in high school. I would pace backstage and sometimes run to the restroom multiple times right before curtain time. That's certainly not the first time I'd been nervous... I had a touch of nerves before each Guild Audition, piano recital, band concert or All-Region tryout (clarinet). But acting was out of my comfort zone. It truly elicited butterflies.
Since those teenage butterflies, I've felt them many times... when I had to initiate a difficult conversation, in social situations with strangers, before job interviews.
Never, until today, had I thought of those butterflies being the birth of something new inside me.
I'm reminded of a season of life when Linda McClure was still with us. Someone - maybe Linda, maybe John or was it even Ken? - brought a cocoon into the church office in a jar. We all watched in anticipation as the opaque paper-like coating began to turn clear and split. I don't remember how many Monarch butterflies we watched spread their wings that year. Each time one would finish it's cycle, Linda and I would take the jar out to the butterfly garden, release it, and go hunting for another branch with a cocoon attached. Butterflies.
I'm nervous to apply for each new job, and even more so to actually interview. I wonder if my experience is enough... if my skills will translate to a new organization. Each time I craft a cover letter, I linger over words, considering whether this phrasing works for a particular type of organization. Each time I click send... Butterflies.
It may be a while before the "silver white winter melts into Spring" ... but I know that one thing I'll look for then is the butterflies. It will be an indication of a new birth. I hope by then I am settled into a new job... that the new life involved with this season's butterflies will have come to fruition. My devotional reading today reminded me that God has "inside information" on my life and purpose. One thought particularly jumped out at me: You don't come from a background. You may have come through one, but you didn't come from it. You come from God.
God has created me, just like he created this miraculous creature, the butterfly. And he can use both of us in this season.
The constant drip-drip of snow melting. The soaking-wet dog laying in the rain, then running through the house. A posting for Director of Marketing and Communications at Catholic Charities of the Diocese of Albany. A new blog from Dr. Cindy Ryan - "Peaceful Butterflies." A reminder to read today's devotional in my current reading plan entitled, "Where You're From, Where You're Going."
---
The first time I remember really having butterflies in my stomach was during One Act Play season in high school. I would pace backstage and sometimes run to the restroom multiple times right before curtain time. That's certainly not the first time I'd been nervous... I had a touch of nerves before each Guild Audition, piano recital, band concert or All-Region tryout (clarinet). But acting was out of my comfort zone. It truly elicited butterflies.
Since those teenage butterflies, I've felt them many times... when I had to initiate a difficult conversation, in social situations with strangers, before job interviews.
Never, until today, had I thought of those butterflies being the birth of something new inside me.
I'm reminded of a season of life when Linda McClure was still with us. Someone - maybe Linda, maybe John or was it even Ken? - brought a cocoon into the church office in a jar. We all watched in anticipation as the opaque paper-like coating began to turn clear and split. I don't remember how many Monarch butterflies we watched spread their wings that year. Each time one would finish it's cycle, Linda and I would take the jar out to the butterfly garden, release it, and go hunting for another branch with a cocoon attached. Butterflies.
I'm nervous to apply for each new job, and even more so to actually interview. I wonder if my experience is enough... if my skills will translate to a new organization. Each time I craft a cover letter, I linger over words, considering whether this phrasing works for a particular type of organization. Each time I click send... Butterflies.
It may be a while before the "silver white winter melts into Spring" ... but I know that one thing I'll look for then is the butterflies. It will be an indication of a new birth. I hope by then I am settled into a new job... that the new life involved with this season's butterflies will have come to fruition. My devotional reading today reminded me that God has "inside information" on my life and purpose. One thought particularly jumped out at me: You don't come from a background. You may have come through one, but you didn't come from it. You come from God.
God has created me, just like he created this miraculous creature, the butterfly. And he can use both of us in this season.
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| Zentangle by Melissia Mason |
Comments
I wish you were here this weekend for our Soul Spa. You will be in my thoughts...have had you on my mind a lot this week as we've prepared for this weekend. It is going to be an amazing retreat...we have 111 participants, twice as many as last year!
I know your butterflies are signaling new birth...in God's timing. And I'm reading that you are living more in the day which is awesome!
I'm so thankful for you, Melissia! Love you!
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