The Quest

I completely forgot to write yesterday. When I decided to try daily blogging, I knew it would be a challenge. I feel like I'm doing pretty well, but when evening comes and old routines fall into place... it becomes bedtime before you know it! Yesterday was Sunday, and since I've moved to New York I haven't settled into a church. So Sunday mornings are very relaxing... no angst about whether everything is going well in Grapevine, and no rush to get up and get going. It's interesting that Sunday mornings have historically been a source of stress for me. Although my "ought to" tells me I should be going to church, my "want to" tells me to step outside and breath deeply of the world that God has created. It was a beautiful day for that yesterday. It seems to me that we, as humans, manufacture a good bit of stress for ourselves. The old stress of Sunday morning church has been replaced with a new stress of the "ought to." And then there'...

This morning I was going through my daily ritual of Facebook scrolling, checking emails, and perusing job opportunities. A few things vied for my attention... The constant drip-drip of snow melting. The soaking-wet dog laying in the rain, then running through the house. A posting for Director of Marketing and Communications at Catholic Charities of the Diocese of Albany. A new blog from Dr. Cindy Ryan - " Peaceful Butterflies ." A reminder to read today's devotional in my current reading plan entitled, "Where You're From, Where You're Going." --- I love butterflies. I have ever since I went on my Chrysalis in 1990. The rainbow-colored butterfly on my De Colores t-shirt represented new life. Each spring and summer in Texas, my Vytex would light up with fragrant blooms, and the butterflies came running (err... flitting). Until reading Cindy's post, however, I had never connected that beautiful image of transformation with the nervous "butt...

This is one of my favorite graphics I've created over the past 13 years at FUMC Grapevine. It was for the launch of a new worship schedule, which always makes people uncomfortable. I still loved it. I loved the fresh feel of sprouts coming out of the letters in the font. I loved the dirt that keeps you grounded and reminds you that new things aren't always tidy. I loved the promise of what that plant would be or do or produce when it grows up. I loved the bright points of light in the background, each with their own possibilities. And, I loved Isaiah 43:19... partially because of the question it asks: Do you not perceive it? Sometimes it takes a while to perceive - or acknowledge, anyway - a new thing. Sometimes we fight it... deny it... avoid it. And sometimes we throw wide the door and run through. For the past few weeks, my door has been thrown wide, and I'm running through to a new thing. The dates are now firm, the plans in place. So, now the announcement (drum ro...

As I sat in worship at FUMC Colleyville this morning, I reflected on the past seven weeks. I have worshiped more consistently every week over this time that I've been out of town than I have when I've been at home. I just thought I'd put some of my thoughts down on blog... Seven weeks ago, I was being commissioned to go on a mission trip. The next couple of Sundays were spent worshiping with the Czech, expatriates and Latvians. Then I came home and worshiped with FUMC Grapevine's Spanish-speaking congregation. The following week I was in worship at a Cumberland Presbyterian church in rural Tennessee, followed the next week by a vibrant Methodist Church in Maryville, TN. Visiting other churches has really made me think about what we demand in our worship experiences. Are we focused on God, or on the experiences and styles we like or don't like? In the eight congregations I've encountered in the past seven weeks, I've found that they all have one thing in ...

As I prepare to go on my first mission trip, there are a lot of things on my mind. On the one hand, I'm excited about the trip... about seeing new places and learning about a different culture. But I have some fears too. What if I don't connect on an emotional level with the ministries we visit? What if we go exploring and decide that we don't  think we should add this as another Village ministry? What if I don't have a spiritual experience there? What if I don't feel what other people feel when they go on a mission trip? I have so many things to get done before we leave that I haven't had time to really spend much time preparing myself mentally or spiritually. It's probably for the best that I don't have more time to worry and fret over the little things. I'm really hoping that by the time we leave I'll have some peace and be able to openly accept and experience everything that's ahead of us. And as for the fears... I just have to trust ...

This Sunday we're beginning a series of sermons on "Our Favorite Sins." This is based on research by the Barna Group ... the result of surveys of people about their perceived sins. One of the "sins" people report is overeating. As we were discussing this, the subject of obesity came up... and I cringed. People assume that everyone who is fat is an over-eater, or an emotional eater. People assume that people who are thin don't overeat. I just hope that the sermon doesn't villainize people who look different than our society's ideal, just because of our assumptions and judgments about their spiritual state, their health and their diet. You can't judge a book by its cover. Take me, for example. I am fat, no doubt. I hesitate to use the word "overweight" because that implies that there is a "right weight" - and that is so subjective. I refuse to accept our society's standards for what is the right weight, the right way t...

My favorite thing about Meg and Maya is their ability to immediately make me forget everything except joy. It doesn't really matter what has happened during the day, when I get home my mind is completely reset to "dog mode." Maya greets me at the garage door with her downward dog stretch (which means she's just awakened from a nap). Meg has preceded me out into the backyard, announcing my arrival with bright, happy yips. There's nothing better than feeling welcomed and knowing that there's nothing in the world better than your presence. I know that God is in this. There's something about the pure joy of doghood that whispers of heaven. This joy... this abandon... this unconditional love... THIS is the stuff of God. And how thankful I am to experience this every day. Thank you, sweet ones, for wiping my mind clean with your wet kisses and making home the place I most want to be in this world.

Until a few years ago, I didn't know anyone who was gay. Or at least I thought I didn't. When one of my best friends from college "came out" I had a dilemma on my hands. I had always heard that homosexuality was a sin. We were Christians and were supposed to avoid sinning, or at least not do it intentionally. So I didn't know how to handle the presence of a gay person in my life. Should I tell him that he shouldn't be doing that? Or keep my mouth shut and risk him "going to hell"? (seriously, that's what I thought) It was around this time that I first heard the phrase "love the sinner, hate the sin." For a while, that seemed like a good idea to me. I could latch on to that mantra, not question the beliefs I'd been taught, and rest easy at night knowing that I'd solved the problem. After all, I had plenty of other people in my life who were sinning in different ways... and I still loved them. And I didn't "call them...

Abortion has been at the forefront of social debates for as long as I can remember... my entire lifetime, for sure. Most people separate this debate into two sides: Pro-Choice and Pro-Life. But what is one to do if they are both  pro-choice and pro-life? In fact, my faith tells me that God is both pro-choice and pro-life. I would venture to say God is pro-choice because he* - to a fault - always lets us choose. But he also created life, and therefore I would imagine is pro-life. And so the debate goes 'round and 'round. Every life has value. Every woman has the freedom to choose what to do with her body. Let's look at the politics. The Republican party stance is: "The unborn child has a fundamental individual right to life which cannot be infringed." Republicans oppose using public revenues to promote or perform abortion or to fund organizations that perform or advocate abortions. It says the party will not fund or subsidize health care that includes abortio...

This is how my morning started... I posted the following as my status update on Facebook: I tried really hard to sleep in late this morning... but my thoughts kept drifting back to that man who's living in his truck while waiting for his first paycheck from a new job (that probably pays minimum wage). My privileged mind just couldn't keep laying in my queen-sized bed, in my air-conditioned house, with my better-off-than-most-people dogs. Issues are weighing heavily on me after the the past week of blog-reading, listening/reading about political platforms, and sitting in my office trying to imagine how that homeless man is living with such a positive attitude. I feel some blogs coming on. Not that writing will change anything, but it will help me get my thoughts out of my head. Time to get started. A few things happened this week that have me pensive. Here's the list: In staff meeting we heard about a book called One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. We also heard abo...

I've been reading a lot of rants lately about boycotting Chick-Fil-A because their CEO upholds a belief in "traditional marriage" and thinks that gay marriage is likely to be the beginning of the end of America. Or about supporting Chick-Fil-A because their CEO was "brave" enough to tell everyone. I have to disagree with everyone. Don't ban Chick-Fil-A. Don't ban gay marriage. Eat chicken. Love people. I don't think Chick-Fil-A should be banned in any city. Not if their only vice is having owners who are vocal conservative Christians. They have the right to be what they want and tell others about it. Now, if they were refusing service to gay people that would be a different story altogether. But they're not. So... let them do business with whoever wants to do business with them. If Boston and Chicago and whoever else really don't want them there, the stores will fail. Problem solved. They should be allowed to fail. Or succeed. I don...

I don't feel guilt about a lot of things, but one thing I can't ever seem to shake is guilt for not going to church on Sunday morning. I'm secure in my relationship with God, but any time I contemplate not going to worship on Sunday morning, I feel like I should have some verifiable excuse for not going. Like a doctor's note. This morning I woke up with a terrible pain in my shoulder. I've iced it, took Advil, stretched, massaged and slathered it with Icy Hot. It still hurts, and the pain is creeping into my neck. So my immediate thought is, "I should go to church. I could go to church, even though my shoulder hurts. But I don't want to. So... does my shoulder hurt bad enough  that it warrants skipping church?" Well, I guess the answer is no... but all the same, I'm skipping church. And feeling guilty. Maybe it's because I work at a church and depend on people (like myself) to support the church. It's my livelihood. If people abandon ch...

There have been many times lately that I have found myself keeping my mouth shut, my opinion to myself. I have a particular set of beliefs and opinions, just as we all do. But I am surrounded by people who don't agree - or at least my perception is that they don't. I have begun to wonder... do I do a dis-service by keeping quiet? Or is it okay to just maintain peace and not disagree with anyone? Does it matter if people know my opinion? Is it okay to just let them assume that I agree with them, when I don't? Case in point: I had lunch with someone the other day who was upset about their pastor's sermon that morning. I asked what it was about and she said, "Helping the poor." And went on to assert that this is further proof that her pastor "is a Democrat." In my head, I thought, "And that's bad because.... why?" Why is it bad to talk about helping the poor? Jesus did it all the time, and last time I checked this person claimed they are...

I've been reading this book - The Rapture Exposed - and have started pondering the beliefs that we take for granted. A few years back, when the Left Behind series of books came out, I read the first few, along with most of my evangelical Christian friends. I thought they were based on truth, because I had always been taught that the Bible explicitly described the Rapture... that it was TRUE. I'm not a historian, nor a theologian. I'm a consumer of history and theology. So I don't have the breadth of knowledge required to identify what is TRUE vs. what is HISTORY. Do you understand the difference? TRUTH - in it's purest form - is not dependent on what a person says or does or believes. Outside of seeing something first-hand, none of us really know what is TRUE. We only know what we believe to be true based on our personal experiences and the particular version of history we've been taught. As eye-witness accounts reveal, even first-hand can be iffy. And...

When you are reminded how short and precious and fragile life can be, you make all kinds of promises to yourself about what you're going to change in your own life. I'm going to clean up the house, do laundry, walk the dog, go to church on Sundays, find more friends, eat better (no, not really... what's the point in that?), tell people I love them... I don't know if any of us really make good on those promises to ourselves. We do, in a way, just go on with life as usual. But I can't help but think about Kenda and how her "life as usual" is never going to be the same. I know she will do okay because she's a strong person, grounded in her faith. But she could certainly use our prayers and support as she finds her new normal.

My last post was about my own post-mortem, and this week I'm neck-deep in the grief of Ken Diehm's post-mortem (he chose cremation by the way). My boss, leader, pastor, mentor, friend passed away last Saturday. Suddenly. Unbelievably. I can't begin to explain the effect he had on people. We expect thousands at his memorial service. But for me, he was an inspiration. He taught me to take a deep breath and not over-react. He was calm and tolerant. Slow to anger. Sometimes it frustrated me because he never got worked up about the things I was worked up about. But over time that helped me to learn that everything was going to be okay... that whatever the big issue was, it wasn't the end of the world.  When hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans, Ken led the church in opening up our apartments to be transitional housing. Pictured below is one of those "refugees" - a chef who was serving us some jambalaya.  Ken was joyful. He laughed easily and often. He loved a goo...

I have to admit... I complain quite a lot during stewardship campaign. Just ask Trudy. I've decided that I'm going to start calling it "Stew." Like the name of an odd uncle you cringe to see coming, not like the name of the comfort food. (No offense intended if your name is Stu.) This year, we're trying our best to entertain Stew online so we don't have to spend a lot of time and resources mailing stuff [that people will probably throw away]. So I've spent the last few weeks designing, editing code, and tweaking the web pages that will make up Stew 2011. I think I'm finally finished! Now, whether you're a kid, youth or adult, you can just go online and commit your heart out! Commit, commit, commit! Just don't expect me to do it too. No me gusta committing to things. I'm ready to do something fun... like redesign the whole website. So that will be the next project! Can't wait!

This morning I went to church at First Methodist in Colleyville for the first time. The pastor was starting a series of sermons about the journey of Christian life. Was it a coincidence that just yesterday I was reading about one man's journeys through Texas? A man named Barclay Gibson has spent the last few years wandering Texas and photographing what he sees. I found his outsider's look at Lorenzo interesting ( http://www.texasescapes.com/TexasPanhandleTowns/Lorenzo-Texas.htm ). What would you take a picture of if you were going through your town for the first time? Maybe if we looked around us with new and interested eyes, we might come to appreciate what's right in front of us. Part of the sermon this morning was focused on enjoying the journey... not being afraid to backtrack a little... not being so solely focused on making it from point A to point B. That's how I'd like to live life, actually. I'm not so concerned about point B (i.e. death)... it will com...

I haven't blogged in a long time, but there was a news report that's getting some attention around here that has started me thinking. A news article aired yesterday about Dr. Ed Young, pastor of Fellowship Church in Grapevine. The report charges that he is taking advantage of his position at Fellowship by being too wealthy, using a private jet, and engaging in business transactions outside of Fellowship using the church's resources. See the video and read the article here. I don't attend church at Fellowship and I don't know Ed Young or his heart for ministry. What I do know is that apparently thousands of people who worship there think the world of him. (And, by the way, I don't consider Fellowship the "competition" - we are all partners in ministering to the Grapevine community.) What I also know is that it's very difficult for pastors and other Christians to answer this question: How much is enough? Or the flipside: How much is too much? Who...

My boss's father passed away on Sunday. For most people, that would just be an event of note because it's your boss and you should care. In this case, however, we all knew him. Floyd followed Ken in his ministry. Literally. He moved here when Ken did, following his son from church to church since Floyd himself was retired. The first time I met Floyd, he told me how wonderful his son was. He said Ken was a great preacher - perhaps the best he'd ever heard. Floyd told me, though, that I'd need to work on Ken to get him to come up with sermon titles. Little did I know at that point that Floyd would become my biggest fan. Until he fell ill, Floyd came into my office at least once a week and heaped enough praise on me to make up for any frustration a job might entail. He complimented me incessantly. I could do the most simple of things, and he would rave. To be quite honest, I'm having a very hard time not being selfish about Floyd's passing. I know that he m...