The Quest

I suppose it was inevitable that shortly after I announced my return to full-time work, my career as a daily blogger came to an abrupt halt. I had all good intentions of keeping up with it, but a tiny voice in my head told me I didn't have to because things were going back to normal. At first, my mind was solely focused on preparing to re-enter the work force. I needed to unsubscribe from all of the job-search notifications, de-activate my open resumes, and decide what to wear the first day of work. Then there was the first day. I felt, in a way, that I was narrating my life much like Genesis. In the beginning, the job front was formless and desolate. Then God said, "Let there be light," and there was light. I went to work, picked up paperwork, got an ID, met with my new boss. There was evening, and there was morning. The first day. Then God separated the sky and the waters. I had projects assigned, had more work than I could finish, and went home to a busy weekend. A...

I've been "blog silent" for a couple of days and much has happened in our world during that time. Domestic terrorists (meaning, our neighbors) have killed many people, among them a young mother (the great-niece of a dear friend of mine) and her husband. Three children under the age of 5 were orphaned by a man who held hatred above all else. (And that's just the one family I'm most aware of... how many others are there?) On the other side of the country, another friend was verbally insulted and made to fear for his safety and that of his family. Why? Because he was skipping with his daughter. A stranger felt hatred above all else, and felt it so profoundly that he ruined a perfectly innocent moment between father and child. These acts of physical and verbal violence have hung heavy over my spirit these past few days. This morning I was at a breakfast meeting with a room full of people I've never met. The last thing on our minds was hatred. Our interaction...

Shannon and I used to write notes to each other during class. (Yes, we were in college. What's your point? Note-writing didn't die in Junior High.) We had a lot of little sayings that we'd use in regular conversation, and many of them required a certain tone of voice in order for you to get their true intent. When writing rather than talking, we'd put "tov" in parenthesis when using one of these words or phrases. That was my signal to him that I wasn't actually asking "Really?" but being sarcastic... Really? (tov) In other words, read those words with the tone of voice you know I'd be using if we were talking. There are so many uses for tov. "I'm winning (tov)" is different than "I'm winning." I can't remember now all the phrases we added tov to (Shannon probably can... I wish I had those notes handy so I could look back). But there are many times when I'm writing that I feel the compulsion to add tov. ...

I completely forgot to write yesterday. When I decided to try daily blogging, I knew it would be a challenge. I feel like I'm doing pretty well, but when evening comes and old routines fall into place... it becomes bedtime before you know it! Yesterday was Sunday, and since I've moved to New York I haven't settled into a church. So Sunday mornings are very relaxing... no angst about whether everything is going well in Grapevine, and no rush to get up and get going. It's interesting that Sunday mornings have historically been a source of stress for me. Although my "ought to" tells me I should be going to church, my "want to" tells me to step outside and breath deeply of the world that God has created. It was a beautiful day for that yesterday. It seems to me that we, as humans, manufacture a good bit of stress for ourselves. The old stress of Sunday morning church has been replaced with a new stress of the "ought to." And then there'...

When I go to a cemetery to take photographs, I'm always drawn to the headstones of the people who seem forgotten. In Albany Rural Cemetery , there are many, many forgotten ones. I have taken pictures of quite a few headstones there that have not yet been added to Find-a-Grave (most of the cemetery is well-documented there). It makes me wonder if they have any family out there, anyone looking for a record of their life. It's sobering to think that one day all that may be left of your life is a solitary headstone in a single plot with no family around you. I spent a fair bit of time on Saturday uploading pictures, adding new entries, and trying to find out if the person in question was forgotten, or had family to remember them. When I see a person's headstone with no inscription and no fanfare, it makes me wonder if they were impoverished or if they had no one to give care to the creation of a headstone that reflected their life. Take this one, for example: It's a...

I've been mulling over "ought-to's" today. You know... things you ought to do, ought to want, ought to be. I ought to get out of bed. I ought to take a shower. I ought to have a job by now. I ought to care about career goals (like titles, and making more money, and not "regressing"). I ought to read more. I ought to do more with my talents. I ought to be doing more things I love with every single day while I have time. I ought to have this transcription project done by now. I ought to walk the dogs. I ought to write a book. I ought to draw. I ought to pay more attention to my budget. I ought to be saving for retirement. I've used ought so many times it doesn't even look like a real word anymore. When I brought some of my job-related ought-to's to my sister's attention, she asked, "Why? Do any of the people in your life care about those things?" Well, no. But I ought to. When I think about some of the ought-to's on my list, I...

As I was waiting for my turn to speak, I wondered what I could possibly say that would be insightful to a room full of senior public relations professionals. The question: What do you do every day that helps you in your PR work? Some talked about making lists, setting goals, re-prioritizing, following trends, news, and scholarly work. Others centered themselves, drank coffee. Since I'm not working right now, what could I possibly say? When it came my turn to speak, I nailed my thoughts down and said, "Diversify my reading." I explained that I read about things I don't know, to which I've never been exposed. We can glean so much from other disciplines, and often we learn things that can apply to challenges in our own organizations. For several months, I've been preparing for interviews at organizations that do things I've never done before. Each cover letter is a practice in applying my experience to a new field. Each interview involves imagining myself i...

It's hard to believe that my first winter in New York is about over. I feel sure there will be another cold snap or two, but mostly I think it's over. There is no snow on the ground, today is about 70 degrees, and the trees in the yard are thinking seriously about leafing out. In some ways, I feel that life has been in a bit of a winter hibernation as well. Because I didn't find my fit in a new job before winter set in, it feels like I've been holding out, waiting to bloom too. I'm anxious - not nervous, but anticipating with great excitement - to see what will be next. There have been a few possibilities pop up, and one in particular still simmering. I feel that it's seriously thinking about leafing out too, but it's not ready quite yet. I'm trying not to rush it. You can't force a flower open, or a leaf from a branch. You just have to wait. In some ways, I think I'm very good at waiting. I have a lot of great hobbies and things to keep me b...

With all that is going on in the world that seems unfair to me, it is difficult for me to feel HOPEful when I feel HELPless. I feel very limited in my options to do anything in response to the wrongs I see happening. I talk to the TV, which is pointless. I express my opinions to those who are willing to hear, yet the ones who I wish would hear are not listening. Last night at Bible study, John was explaining to us about struggling with scripture. He said something like, "When we start to struggle with scripture, that's when we begin to grow." Someone said, "Yes, but it seems like there's never resolution... you never find the answers." He replied with, "It's not the answer that grows you; it's the struggle." (conversation paraphrased) Since that conversation, I've been mulling over the "struggle." It's a struggle to understand the perspective of others who don't agree with you. It's a struggle to remain hopeful...

I'm not sure whether to thank The One Who Shall Remain Nameless for getting me to blog again... or to be indignant that TOWSRN has given me so many reasons to rant. I really don't like to be annoyed. But boy am I. Today's topic: walls. I was watching Cristela Alonzo 's latest Netflix comedy special last night and she addressed the topic of the wall along the Mexican border in such a great way. Bottom line: what makes you think your wall is going to keep people who want to get here out? They climb over fences, swim oceans, dig tunnels... all your wall will do is give them a new workout routine. Determined. That's what they are. I can't help but remember the famous speech by President Reagan at the wall in Berlin... "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!" I was just a kid, but I still remember it. And I also remember the day the wall in Berlin actually did come down, and I was so proud of humanity that day. About as proud as I am disgusted with TOWS...

Another social media post has me mulling today. First thing this windy, sunny Sunday morning, I read the following: I keep seeing people post on how they are terrified, or scared? Well.. what are you scared of exactly? War? Because that's happening. School shootings? Because that's happening. Pipeline? That's been happening. Terrorism? Definitely alive and well. Going broke due to health insurance? Mm yes. Corruption throughout the system? Already there. Police officers being murdered? Yep, that's happening. Bullying? Check. Loss of jobs? We've got that on lock. A tanking economy? Yep. Being discriminated against for your religion, political views, , race? That's been going on. Rape, murder, violence, riots.. all going on and has been.  So tell me, what are you scared of that is not already happening basically everywhere? This isn't a Trump problem, this is a people problem. Y'all need to reevaluate your own selves..  Maybe America is a little too sca...

For the past couple of months, there have been news reports and advertisements about binge eating. It's a diagnosis now... one you can take a pill to help alleviate. If only there were a pill to stop binge watching TV! Ever since I purchased a smart TV for my 40th birthday and canceled my Uverse, I've taken to watching entire seasons of TV shows - without commercials, mind you - on Netflix and Amazon. This means that a great many hours of the past year have been literally wasted. I enjoy the shows, but I'm getting nothing done. There are no commercials for me to just run in the other room and change the laundry or put dishes in the dishwasher or clean the toilet. And so, entire weekends are lost. But it's kind of nice too. Just really not healthy!

I was alarmed to hear one of our office volunteers talking about how her granddaughter's school does not teach the children how to write in cursive. WHAT?! How will they know how to sign their name? How will they read letters from their grandmother? Or the Declaration of Independence? Or many, many, many historic documents? I do believe that schools are doing a great disservice to our country and to family histories that are passed down through the written word. I understand that there are people who prefer to print. Fine. But what about learning the ability to READ what is written in cursive? If you don't learn to write it, you're probably not learning to read it either. This, in my opinion, is a travesty. If your child is currently in a school that does not teach cursive (either the reading or the writing of it), I implore you to teach it to them yourself. What kind of upstanding citizen can't read their nation's historic documents? Or their great-grandfather...

I was just catching up on some of the blogs I've missed... perusing AliseWrite's weekly "Stuff I've Been Reading" and lo and behold I found myself. The first one listed this week was a post called "The Body I Have" by a blogger I've never read before, Dani Kelley . As I read her post, her "About Me" and some of her other blog entries... I was amazed at how much of myself I saw in her! She's ten years younger than me. I found myself wishing I'd practiced a little introspection way back then. I might be a different person today. Who knows. But I'm glad I've stumbled upon this young lady. And I'm glad I have finally learned some of the lessons she's blogging about. Better late than never. By the way, I share her desire to write more. I've said this every year: I'm going to write more this year. I am. I really am. Seriously. Quit laughing.

NOTE: When I was writing my Torn  blog, I realized that I had written, but never posted this one. so I went ahead and posted it, even though the election is over. It still applies... The thing that bugs me more than anything else about political campaigns has very little to do with the candidates. What irks me is how people overreact to everything. I know that choosing leadership is important. But I wish people would put it in perspective. It's important, but it's not the end of the world. I believe in a God who can make good out of any situation. I also believe we live in a country that is stronger and more resilient than a lot of people give us credit for. For example, I recently received an e-mail that contained this picture: Really? If the America you live in is so weak that the presence of one man in the White House is going to destroy it, then maybe it's not worth saving. Apparently the people of Stagecoach Enterprises (not to mention many other people I ...

Until a few years ago, I didn't know anyone who was gay. Or at least I thought I didn't. When one of my best friends from college "came out" I had a dilemma on my hands. I had always heard that homosexuality was a sin. We were Christians and were supposed to avoid sinning, or at least not do it intentionally. So I didn't know how to handle the presence of a gay person in my life. Should I tell him that he shouldn't be doing that? Or keep my mouth shut and risk him "going to hell"? (seriously, that's what I thought) It was around this time that I first heard the phrase "love the sinner, hate the sin." For a while, that seemed like a good idea to me. I could latch on to that mantra, not question the beliefs I'd been taught, and rest easy at night knowing that I'd solved the problem. After all, I had plenty of other people in my life who were sinning in different ways... and I still loved them. And I didn't "call them...

Obesity. This particular issue is something that hits close to home for me. Not only have I been overweight all my life, but many of my family members and friends are as well. As I look back on my life, I can point to several instances in which I was insulted for my weight. I have often been told that I would be happier and healthier if I was thin. And there's no shortage of messages that tell me (and everyone else in the world) that fat is bad and thin is good. But in reality, fat is just a description, not an indictment. I'm brunette, with blueish eyes, and lots of fat. Recently, I have become aware of a group of people called "Fat Activists" who are working hard to convince the world that fat is okay... That fat people are people too... That "declaring war" on obesity is declaring war on actual people. It's the new [old] discrimination. In fact, it's one of the few ways in which the general population thinks it's okay to discriminate. Some...

"Mawage. Mawage is what bwings us togevah today...." Okay so maybe no one else finds a Princess Bride  quote appropriate. But... marriage is what has brought me to this blog today. I'm going to try to make this one short and sweet. Republicans: "We believe that... marriage, the union of one man and one woman must be upheld as the national standard." Democrats:  "We support the full inclusion of all families, including same-sex couples, in the life of our nation, and support equal responsibility, benefits, and protections." There's no question where the political parties stand on gay marriage.  There is some question as to where Christians stand. I know a lot of Christians who support gay rights. And I know even more  who don't. This one... I don't really even have to think about because I already know what I think (and you probably do too). Here's why I support gay marriage: Christian marriage is supposed to be about one pe...

One of the tenets of the RNC platform is an embrace of American Exceptionalism. American exceptionalism is the belief that the United States is different from other countries in that it has a specific world mission to spread liberty and democracy. There is quite a lot in the RNC platform statement on this point... it covers everything from fighting wars to supporting veterans to being involved in human rights issues around the globe. When I first heard that American Exceptionalism was a tenet of the RNC platform, I balked. Why? Because I think many people in the United States think they are better than everyone else in the world... and this belief is rooted in exceptionalism. ( Read more about the concept... ) We are better because we are the experts on democracy and liberty and everyone should just do everything our way. It is this belief that drives us to invade other countries for the presumed purpose of freeing them from evil dictators... whether they want to be freed or not. ...

There is a lot of talk about taxes.... tax breaks for the poor, the middle class, for the wealthy, for corporations. I couldn't even begin to decipher the tax code, the economics of national debt, the pros and cons of the Democratic or Republican economic theories. (I could give it more effort than I have, but numbers bore me and it's not a priority to me, as I'll explain further in a moment). But I would hazard a guess that both parties have a hefty percentage of factual information laced with an equally hefty percentage of spin. I don't believe that either party has the solution to all of our economic and financial "woes" or that either is going to have the magic formula that will make everyone else happy. The thing that struck me while I was listening to the speakers at the RNC was how much of the rhetoric was about money, economics, wealth, prosperity. I wouldn't say that these are exclusively American values, but they are distinctly American. Some...